1. |
Destination Wedding
02:38
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The comic timing of your shortcomings really hit the mark
And I liked my wide-eyed loose-lipped evaluation of your hang-ups
I’ve got two dogs on Xanax
My partner’s a bit of a drinker
I withhold sex when he doesn’t do the dishes
He withholds sex when he sleeps with other women
I know
Get me out this social sinkhole
Look me in the eye like I’ve got a good shelf life
Accommodate fears because you’re a nice guy
Get me out this social sinkhole
Just last week my sister went out and bought a new Dyson
About goddamned time I felt some excitement
Maybe it’s time I got back on anti-depressants
Soon enough
I’m happy to help him out
And I’m happy give him rope
Who the hell has a destination wedding anyway?
I know
Get me out this social sinkhole
Look me in the eye like a surrogate ally
Accommodate fears because we’re all friends here
Get me out this social sinkhole
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2. |
Cosmetic Damages
03:07
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Can't you see I’ve got places to be
I’ve got goals, man
My Hyundai Sonata, my high blood pressure
My left turn
Now and I see
That your wife
Is shaken and crying
It’s my god given right
To stay here and fight
And I fight good
I’ve had nothing to drink
And I thought I told you twice
Let me talk
Let me finish
Now I manage a team
A salt and pepper goatee
I’m taking my wife to Cuba next week
Then a push
And I laugh
And a racist jab
It’s my god given right
To stay here and cry
And I cry good
I’ve had nothing to drink
Sure you love your kids
And feed them that ward cleaver shit
But you will never understand what you’ve missed
Hey that’s fine
I know you’re a sensitive guy
But you will never be more than a
Target demo
Discount sitcom
Home and garden
Television advertisement
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3. |
Carson
04:00
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This is a safe space
This is a union
This is community
An institution
This is a networking opportunity
Somebody help me
I miss my hardships
I miss my old cellmate
I miss being homesick
I’ve got four minutes and I’m ready for Carson
Meltdown anytime
In broad daylight
Yeah whatever
Doesn’t matter
You’ve got a lot of potential
Sure you’re pretty sick of that sound
But even miserable bastards
Can turn their lives around
This is a program
This is a movement
A weekly meeting
On self-improvement
A social enterprising opportunity
Have a meltdown
A public bathroom
Yeah whatever
In a Whole Foods
All this time
Was old and grey
Never occurred to me
Go outside
You’ll be okay
No use living in fear
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4. |
Melatonin
03:34
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I try to sleep to the beating of drums
To the grinding of teeth
To syndication
But I wake up angry
Fearful, manic
I try to sleep to the HVAC hum
To the fast dissolve tablets
Of melatonin and I tried
To be grounded, balanced
You know me so well
How low is your bottom
I tried all by best to be transparent, militant, eye contact, intimate
I try to sleep with a rose in my teeth
For a cold comfort Christ
Who refuses to eat
And I wake up panicked
Worried, catholic
I watched you scream at the top of your lungs
On the merits of lying
And self-medication
And I cried
It was hopeless
You know me so well
How low is your bottom
I’ve seen worse, but come on
And I tried all my best, to forget about it
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5. |
Was I At Least Funny?
03:25
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I want to carry you, not the stress you insist on
I want to carry, not the hell I envision
Oh no, was that a little bold?
Let’s build a unit with cast-iron bells on
Full stop
Why now
Why not
I’m telling you Al, it’s not really a problem
Your fun uncle is someone else’s disappointment
He carries guilt like a chatty, dirt-napping informant
Oh no, was that too bold?
Let’s build a unit with gold bleeding hearts on
Full stop
Why now
Why not
I’m telling you Al, it’s not really a problem
I want to carry you, not the stress you insist on
I want to carry, not the hell I envision
Let’s build a unit with cast-iron bells on
Let’s buy a kid or a couch or a house
or something you just can’t abandon
On and on and over again
It goes on and on
You take people for granted
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Bike Thiefs Toronto, Ontario
definitely a band.
European Booking
booking@rockin-
dogs.com
Management & Rest of the World Booking:
bikethiefsband@gmail.com
Label:
info@stomprecords.com
Press:
bikethiefsband@gmail.com
... more
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